Postpartum Depression—A Fresh Perspective
While it's common knowledge that the chemical transition in a new mom's body is a factor in postpartum depression, it's rare that new moms learn about another key reason for depression after a birth—an identity crisis due to quick and sudden changes she faces in her relationship with her child.
Before pregnancy, a woman has a single identity. During pregnancy, she is sole partner with her baby in a rare miracle, each sharing a private world, mingling their blood and influencing each other's psyches. Upon birth, this special relationship ends, and they begin to develop their own separate identities.
I believe a pregnant woman has enormous influence over her unborn child and accommodates the considerable influence the baby has on her. Baby and mother are in constant chemical and emotional communication. It makes sense that many cravings come from the baby. Most people don't consider this. Mom's moodiness may also originate from what her baby is feeling. Is it that hard to imagine a baby in embryo having a cranky day? The child may sense if mom is upset or happy and conversely, may have a similar effect on mom.
Considering this duel influence, it's natural for a mother to experience a major sense of loss and separation when the baby is born, no matter how many children have come before. A part of her is gone. Since society doesn't recognize this dynamic, a mother may be unclear about the cause of her feelings of isolation, grief, or despondency. If she suffers from postpartum depression, she is not encouraged to deal with the loss of her old identity and the stress of absorbing the new one. Mom is expected to sail into her new position unfettered by the loss.
When a woman is thrown into this new identity, it can also precipitate depression because she doesn't know where the boundaries are anymore, and this is not just on the physical level; it occurs on mental and emotional levels as well. She must relinquish the deeply bonded, almost telepathic relationship with her unborn child and develop a new relationship with her baby.
To make matters worse, a new mom has just been through the birth trauma, and her body is in a depleted state. She needs her own healing time, but her new baby needs constant attention. She must somehow embrace this change in the midst of feeding, laundry, cooking, and possibly caring for other children. These stress factors can sometimes be overwhelming.
The degree of postpartum depression can vary depending on circumstances: environment, the number of children, a woman's physical makeup, her mental constitution, and the level of support she has in the home. No matter what, depression is a natural element of the birthing process. I recommend a mother embrace it rather than think it must be ignored or eliminated.
There are simple techniques one can use before a child's birth to greatly ease the transition to a new identity. If a woman understands what will happen, she can prepare herself mentally for it and support the transition. This is a two-way street; the baby may also adjust more easily to his or her new situation.
If you are concerned with postpartum depression, here are a few ideas to ponder that can help you through, whether you're pregnant or have had a child. Being aware that postpartum depression can be normal is one of its greatest remedies. Bring your focus back to yourself, back to who you are as a mother, but more importantly, back to who you are as a person. Feeling inadequate or dwelling on negative thoughts can feed postpartum depression and can keep you from transitioning easily into your new identity. Take time after your baby is born to imagine yourself doing well in your new relationship with your child and your new role. Vitamins, healthier foods, and moderate exercise can assist your body to deflect the depression caused by the chemical changes that have occurred. Start planning specific actions that you can take just for yourself.
Depression is a natural result of an identity crisis, which can be generated by physical and emotional changes after the birth of a child. A sense of loss and separation is normal. But depression can be lessened by embracing it rather than resisting; by focusing on positive actions to help yourself; by taking time to envision your new identity and relationship. Then the miracle of bringing a soul into the world will be the extraordinary experience you deserve.
To learn more about how this work may benefit you, please browse through the web site, visit the services page and contact us with any questions you may have, or to set an appointment.
