Indigo Elder Looks Back By Lania Desmond

Lania is purely and simply the voice of your Soul, the true Self that only wants love for you. The experience will resemble no other — guaranteed! — Kathy Meinecke

Woman Reveals Generational Soul Contracts
In early childhood, I could lift the veil that separates this world from the spiritual one. Like the last piece of a puzzle, I could see the missing element in another’s life that, once added, could bring true happiness. Nightly, in dream states, I taught higher laws to others. Often I helped those who were ready to cross over to pass on gently. These things came naturally to me, and I assumed to everyone else.

In explosive screaming rages, detonated by my very existence, Mom taught me differently. She had agreed to play a role in my life as a most great and terrible villian. She played it to perfection. By means of beatings with wooden hangers to break my spirit, forced feedings of laundry powder to shut me up, and locking me in dungeon-like closets to make me invisible, she taught me. By age 19, I weighed 75 pounds and kept trying desperately to kill myself.

What a joy it was to leave that painful body! What light and love engulfed that battered spirit! What horror to be told I had to go back! Firmly, lovingly, spirit insisted. I had “asked” for this life. What needed to be done had not yet been accomplished. So without a clue as to my unfulfilled purpose, I came back into that miserable body wrenched by pain.

Choosing Life
Since death was no longer an option, I decided to live. I knew I had to transcend this life, to find its purpose and mine in it. Doctors demanded I have a colostomy to buy a little time before imminent death. Refusing, I left the hospital and started eating, if only a little.

Surprising them by still being alive at 23, doctors again insisted on surgery, this time for a hysterectomy. They said having a baby would surely kill me. Knowing I needed a reason to live, I had a beautiful baby boy.

Then things got tough. There was a precious, miracle child to raise. I discovered a Child Guidance Clinic where two wonderful therapists decided to take me on as a case study. During therapy my self — esteem and sense of value grew.

My mother had used her very sharp red nails as weapons against me. To heal, it was suggested I take a course in manicuring. This also helped me learn it was safe to talk to people. I trained with a woman with exceptional skill as a sculptured nail technician and embarked on a new career.

Sometimes, as I held my clients’ hands, I sensed deep and profound insights about them. Frequently I was able to help resolve illnesses and improve their lives from many different angles. They appreciated me in ways I sorely needed.

Something grew in my awareness. The roles of my mother on one side, and my son on the other, had provided the light and the catalysts to move me in a new direction. As this insight took form, it guided me to a deeper understanding of my true purpose for living.

Mom died during my therapy. Over the next several years I achieved a degree of peace within myself about her and the abuse that she had heaped upon me. I forgave her as best I could. Then one day it all came flooding back.

I sat on my couch and cried, overwhelmed. Bad old patterns began returning. Hopelessness and depression oozed from the floor and walls, engulfing me. I called out for help, a kind of prayer born of utter desperation to whatever Power was out there.

That night in a dream, my mother did something she had never done in life. She came to me with gentleness and kindness. She came to help. She explained that she could come then only because I had forgiven her to the best of my ability. Now she could reveal the role she had played in my life.

Before I was conceived, while we were both in spirit form, she and I had made an agreement. She showed me our elaborate plans, like a blueprint. It was centered on what I wanted to be able to accomplish in this lifetime. It was a decision to endure the greatest adversities, transcend their influences, and remember love.

Now that her role was finished, the actress she was could reveal her true self. In that instant she transformed into a most blindingly powerful, loving and magnificent being. She wrapped me in her radiance and blessed me with the immensity of her love, and any wounds that remained were instantly healed and transformed.

I awoke sobbing. So intensely was I touched that I could never again picture her any other way than as her true spiritual presence. She showed herself to be a true master, and I am humbled by her dedication to my spiritual growth.

Life shifted and my childhood gifts began returning. Soon afterwards, while in New York City, an ominous feeling overtook me. Immediately, I put out a call for help to God, my Higher Power, and my Angels, to protect me and mine. Unbeknownst to me, my son was driving in an ice storm in Wyoming, and was hit by two tractor trailers! His survival was nothing less than a miracle.

I saw how profoundly my call for help had been answered. These invisible forces made a total believer out of me! They showed me without a shadow of a doubt that I mattered. Me. My needs, my calls for help made a difference. This allowed me to Know my own true value at the core of my being.

The Miracle of Surrender
Convinced at last, I surrendered to my higher purpose. Immediately, a wave of energy swept over me. Magnificent, awe-inspiring insights took over my awareness. It required three weeks to download and comprehend them.

I shared these insights with my son and his body healed in record time! He also gained a new perception of himself, and began to create the life he truly desired. What a joy it was to give this gift to one who had been such a great catalyst for the growth and change in my own life.

This allowed us to lift off the old contracts he and I had accumulated, to be free from the imbalances that had plagued us. The contracts became clear: With my mother - to shut down my heart; With my son - who gave me the reason to open it; and mine - to receive the wisdom of love. All were fulfilled.

This gave me the humility to surrender. Once I did, my innate gifts manifested, complete with workable formulas to dispel misperceptions about true soul contracts and transcend negative influences. That was 1996.

Today, as I wander life’s paths, the awareness of love sometimes becomes so intense as to be overwhelming. Every turn, every thought, every sight is illuminated by the all consuming power of love. Some have said I am the most unrelentingly happy person they have ever known, and they are right. My, how things have changed! 

First published in issue of Spirit in the Smokies, Magazine of New Paradigm Living (www.spiritinthesmokies.com).

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